AmaPod

31st July 2009

In the Zulu language (for those of you who aren't familiar with the 11 official languages of South Africa, Zulu is one of them) "i" (pronounced "e") is singular and "ama" is plural.

Thus in 2004 there was great excitement at cinemas throughout the land when Will Smith's iRobot came to town (the first Will Smith film to be translated into Zulu, or so we thought). The entire South African population embraced the "i"Robot phenomenon and are still eagerly anticipating the sequel "amaRobot".

When I returned back from the States in December 2005 I returned with a shiny new bit of kit that had only just become semi-popular in Johannesburg. You need to understand that Johannesburg is at least a decade ahead of the rest of the country when it comes to trends, food, fashion, life, crime etc. When we were still marvelling over pizza back in my hometown Pietermaritzburg the folk from Joburg were munching on sushi with this amazing hot green stuff called "wasabi". When sushi came to Pietermaritzburg friends from Joburg were amazed that they could still get someone around the table to eat the blob of wasabi; Country Bumkins sure are good for a laugh.

So when I landed on home soil and entered the world of Pietermaritzburg with my shiny new iPod (in those days it was the mummy of all iPods with 30GB in what is termed "cocaine white") there was a buzz of interest. Most people from my little Burrough were only vaguely familiar with the Nano or Shuffle so imagine their shock when I showed them that photos, films, tv shows, games, etc. could be stored in a 30GB fat credit card sized bit of gear? It was like I'd just shown them the key to the land of free beer.

As time rolled on and docking stations, remotes, covers, av devices, etc. etc. were unleashed on the population of Joburg, back in Pietermaritzburg it was nothing short of a miracle. "AmaPod" had been unleashed and there was a general frenzy over white earphones and making sure you could distinguish between iPod and iMatation. Now it was not just the cellphone that was being knicked left right and centre but now Pod's were the next victim of crime. I remember crying real girl tears when cocaine white was knicked and my entire 11.5GB collection of music went with it. It had to be replaced.

Pod fever is something quite impossible to explain. 30GB was too much space even for a music junky such as myself. When the Daddy Pod I considered buying in 2005 was 60GB I thought, 'bloody ridiculous nobody has that much music it's sheer madness'. Just two years on and I found myself leering over an 80GB and a 120GB beauty thinking '80GB just isn't enough'. What was also sheer brilliance was that the thickness of the iPod Classic was exactly the same. Those Apple inventors sure know how to be geniuses.

I settled for the Mummy iPod in black. I needed a change and the difference between the white and black is well... black and white. Currently I have 54.1GB free and this little revelation has lead me to set up an iTunes account so I can spend less money on Amazon and more chewing up the remaining gigs on my iPod.

With the iPod comes all sorts of new and interesting phenomena. I was thinking of photographing people and making a coffee table book, however my photography is pretty crap so I can't imagine it being an award winner. More fun lies in writing about it and continuing to observe strange behaviour as our iWorld expands and spans generations.

On a visit to the cheese and wine festival in Stellenbosch I found my favourite example of "two-peas-in-an-iPod". Stalls at the festival were pretty much booze or food related so it's no surprise that the water stall was not a crowd pleaser. The two teenage boys (obviously forced to man the store whilst their parents got pissed on Sauvignon Blanc) were looking like someone had just taped over their favourite video of WWF Smackdown. Strangely enough I was encouraged to take a second glance at the water stall as these two young teens were attached to a central pod by one set of earphones. Their heads bobbed ever so slightly to the apparently angry music that was filtering out. This custom of sharing earphones is not new, I remember detaching my headphones from the central alice band of my Sony Walkman to do the same back in '92.

iPods inspired much of my Masters and ideas such as iSolation were ones that kept my brain ticking over trying to find witty "i"-isms and more material for my coffee table book with crap photography.

It wasn't until recently where a dinner inspired by great company and lashings of alcohol gave birth to the idea of a business called "iDeas". So good is this idea that we even considered a visit to the Dragons asking them to invest in our fantastic venture which would give birth to the iParty, the iGig and even the iQueen.

It's 2013 and I'm going to a club to throw some toe and as I'm probably still single I'm going to make myself available to other single blokes (if there are any left). I enter the club and it's silent. I go over to the bar and can eavesdrop on this really ugly bloke telling a Russian supermodel that he likes her shoes as I order my Jamesons on the rocks. The barman gets it right first time, probably because he can hear me perfectly. I decide to go outside to inhale on a cigarette (yes you can still smoke in London in 2013 if you can believe that) and meet up with my only other single friend as the rest are all married or in the hospital giving birth.

After a couple of whiskys it's time to head to the dancefloor. We put our wireless earphones into our ears and stream the bouquet of music options that are available. I feel like getting the party started with some music that was popular in my youth rather than the hardcore rave that seems to be the popular choice as illustrated by the violent dance moves getting busted out by the much younger generation. It's an ideal party and when you feel like a chat you just unplug another bonus is that no one can complain about how loud or how shit the music is.

The iParty will not only bridge generation gaps but cultural gaps too. It'll be like one world party where the only obvious thing will be that whites can't dance and white dads certainly can't dance. Which leads me to the iQueen.

The Queen has her own version of English which I'm pretty au fait with however judging by the general level of English I hear throughout my daily tasks it's a bloody wonder how so many people tune in. I reckon for some members of the general public listening to the Queen speak must not be disimilar to listening to Chewbacca. Hence, the iQueen. The iQueen will translate the Queen's speech into your language/dialect of choice enabling you to not only get the gist of the speech but digest every aspect of it.

My ideal world is not one that says "bad evil techonolgy" my ideal world is one were I can choose to be bloody antisocial if I want to and able to mock idiots who behave badly or strangely. We're the iGeneration and we're living in a world defined by AmaPod. Apple is the new Microsoft and they're heading for virus city, I'm just here to sit back, relax and enjoy my iParty.